How to Prepare for Your First Play Party: The Essential Conversations Every Couple Must Have
Attending your first high-end play party is exciting… but it can also bring up just as many questions as fantasies. Even couples who are deeply connected sometimes find themselves unsure about what to expect, what’s normal, and what they should discuss before stepping into a new world like this.
Having attended high-end libertine events for over many years, I can say this with certainty: The conversations you have beforehand matter just as much as what happens on the night itself.
They make you aligned as a couple, reduce uncertainty and help you enter the evening as a united team. Below are the five essential topics every couple should talk about before attending their first play party.
Let’s begin.
1. Your Fantasies
What’s actually exciting you about this world?
This doesn’t have to be a list of specific scenarios. It’s simply about understanding the why behind your curiosity.
For some couples, it’s the idea of stepping into an elegant, sensual environment together and feeling that heightened energy.
For others, it’s the thrill of being watched, watching each other… or imagining a moment with another like-minded couple.
You’re not trying to plan the entire evening… you’re getting to know what excites you both about the idea of attending.
This clarity becomes the foundation for everything that comes next.
2. Your Fears
Because excitement and fear can exist together.
Even the most confident couples experience hesitation. Fears usually fall into a few categories:
fear of being left out
fear of not getting enough attention
fear of the unknown
fear of what you might feel in the moment
The goal of this conversation isn’t to eliminate fear… it’s to bring it into the light.
When fears stay unspoken, they grow.
When fears are talked about openly, they soften.
This is also where emotional intimacy deepens. You’re showing your partner where you feel vulnerable… and giving them a chance to support you.
3. Your Preferences
Who you’re naturally drawn to… and why.
You’re not creating a checklist or a “shopping list” for other couples.
This conversation is simply about understanding:
What kind of couples are you drawn to
What ages feel comfortable?
What personalities or energies attract you?
Are there any types you know won’t be a match?
For one partner, elegance and good manners might matter most.
For the other, it might be age range or physical attraction.
The goal is alignment… not identical preferences, but understanding each other well enough to move as a team.
4. Your Rules
This is the conversation many new couple skips… but shouldn’t.
Every couple has different comfort levels. When you clarify them beforehand, the evening becomes smoother and far more enjoyable.
A few examples to discuss:
• Is kissing okay?
• Do you prefer staying in the same room?
• Would eye contact make you feel closer, or would distance make you feel more relaxed?
• Are you curious to participate, or would observing feel better at first?
There are no right or wrong answers here.
What matters is that both partners feel respected, secure and fully in the loop.
5. Your Expectations
What would make the evening feel like a “success” for each of you?
This is where couples often misunderstand each other.
Some couples step into their first event expecting a “movie scene” experience… but real life doesn’t always move that fast.
When you set clear, realistic expectations, you remove unnecessary pressure and give yourselves permission to enjoy the evening for what it really is.
So ask each other:
What would make the first night feel like a success?
Is it enough simply to enjoy the atmosphere together?
Would connecting with another like-minded couple already feel like a win?
The first event is never about doing everything.
Yes, you can expect a beautifully curated event with an elegant crowd. But it’s best not to walk in assuming you’ll immediately find a couple you both feel chemistry with.
It’s your first step into a new world… observing, learning and deciding if you’d like to see more.
Final Thoughts
High-end libertine events are mainly designed for couples who explore together. And the couples who thrive in this lifestyle are the ones who talk openly, move slowly and treat each other with so much care.
These five conversations are just the beginning.
If you want deeper support and a complete roadmap:
Explore my Guide #2: How Not to Ruin Your Relationship — a workbook-style guide with 20 must-have conversations every couple should have before attending their first play party.
But if you feel aligned and ready for the next step:
Explore Guide #3: How to Access High-End Libertine Events — including the best organisers and the calendar with all upcoming events for Europe & the US. 
Both guides are designed to support you no matter where you are on this journey… curious beginners or couples already with some experience.